Top 5 Reasons Memphis Should Elect Lawler As Mayor

5.  He would put the ’smackdown’ on crime in Memphis.

4. He is not currently under investigation..I think.

3. Jimmy Hart could be vice mayor.

Jerry Lawler The King of Memphis?

Finally Memphis has found its true king, Jerry Lawler. Let’s face it, Lawler would really have to put forth a lot of effort to be worse than King Willie.  The last time he ran he received 12% of the vote. Although such support is a sad commentary on Memphis, it does suggest he is a potentially viable candidate. Why not? It would at least make mayoral press briefings more entertaining.

Another Honor for Memphis…

Memphis garners yet another distinction, it contains one of America’s most dangerous neighborhoods.  According to Walletpop.com, you have a 1 in 7 chance of becoming a victim in the Warford St./Mount Olive Rd. neighborhood.

Bulldoze Memphis?

The Telegraph in the U.K recently ran a story about U.S. cities that are so far gone that they may benefit from bulldozing most of their neighborhoods. Of course Memphis is on the list. These are cities that “potentially needing to shrink substantially to cope with their declining fortunes.”

Thug Life In Memphis…Rose No exception

ESPN reports that Derrick Rose recently apologized for a picture that has been circulating on the internet of him flashing gang signs.

SAT….We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ SAT

Tiger High accomplished the unthinkable, they out cheated a SEC school. Watch out Big Orange, Tiger High is encroaching upon your territory. Despite University of Georgia’s unwillingness to sign Dozier because of an invalid SAT score, Tiger High were eager to have him wear Tiger blue. Way to go R.C. and coach Cal, you out slimed one of the most historically slimy conferences in the nation.

Memphis Most Unsafe City in the U.S.

You did it again Memphis. FBI statistics indicate that Memphis is the least safe city in the U.S.

Did Any Memphis Player Take The SAT?

Where there is smoke there is usually fire. Such is the case with the Tiger High scandal.

Fan IQ states, “Add another Memphis player to the fishy SAT scores controversy. Robert Dozier went to Memphis after Georgia wouldn’t accept him because they didn’t think his score was legit.” The Sporting News headline reads, “Memphis Hoops: Where Qualifying SAT Scores Appear To Be Optional” I don’t understand it. It’s not like UM has very hard entrance requirements.

Classic Memphis

There are apparently a number of climatologists now living in Memphis.  What made these scientists flock to this backwoods community is unknown. However, most of them are evidently being employed by local Burger Kings.  These crown wearing soothsayers decided to use Burger King signs to get their message out that global warming is a myth. Although Burger King management has order these signs to be taken down, I am sure these brave men and women will not be deterred.  Hopefully, McDonalds will soon follow suit and inform the public about stem cell research.

Calipari’s Daughter Is Defending Her Dad

In response to the plethora of critics in the media, the Calipari clan is publicly defending their dad’s reputation. Shouldn’t Cal be the one doing all the talking? True to his nature, Calipari is whining and trying to bully his critics.